The Drift

Week in and week out, I tried my best to get to know my new CG mates. For a period of time, it really seemed like things were going well, I really thought that I could fit in. Just as I started to feel that way, for some undesired reasons, I began to feel empty, I started comparing this new E21 with its former self. SHIT ME... I just had to invite trouble into my life. Making that comparison caused me to ponder and evaluate my current relationship with my CG and my relationship with the original E21. Ultimately, I concluded that regardless of how much I tried, the new E21 could never ever replace those wonderful memories and friendships that I shared with the original E21. As a matter of fact, I've realised that my relationship with the new E21 (aside from Yew Siong, Andrew and Dehuai) is practically just fun and laughter, nothing more that that.

Zi Hao, as my leader, he sincerely tried his best to get to know me as much as possible and I've gotta say, he is one person who I actually attempted to open up to despite the fact that he is also one of the "new members" in the CG. I really know nothing much about everyone else and neither did they know much about me.

Months had passed by then and I still could not get myself to open up to any of them, neither was I able to get them to open up to me. Thus, I started drifting from them.. well that isn't right, I was never close enough with them to actually drift away. A barrier was erected between us.. on second thought, I think that particular barrier had already existed from the start.. I began to skip CG meetings, I dreaded hanging out after service with the CG/zone. Despite my desire to go for service for the word of God and the praise & worship, I had no intention of socialising, I felt so foreign in the zone. It was awkward, it was uncomfortable, I couldn't be myself, it was all surface-level interactions that I found meaningless. I guess that was when I sort of gave up on building my "horizontal relationship" in church.

If I recall, two months into the year of 2015, Dehuai began to attend service less often and around the same time, Andrew's eczema started to take a turn for the worse. I can totally understand the reasons why Dehuai didn't want to come, they're probably the same reasons as mine. As for Andrew, because of his deteriorating skin condition, he could hardly even walk straight, let alone meeting up with us or even coming for service. It was a really dry season for me, I was also very worried about Andrew's condition. At that point of time, I found myself often asking God why did this have to happen to Andrew and what is my purpose of even being in this church anymore? As I watched Amelia, I felt like she was even more involved with the church and the people during that season, EVEN AMELIA. HAHA! No offence.

Left to Right: Andrew, Me, Dehuai

For as long as I knew, I've clearly observed that despite all the unity that the zone always speaks of, the fact remains that everyone has their own group of friends that they'd often stick to, and I believe that I am no exception. Had Janson and the others not left church, I'd probably be spending most of my time with them too. However, in reality, I  didn't have that "group of friends" at that point of time. Aside from Yew Siong, I was only close to Amelia. Here are some examples of the "groups" that I've mentioned, in my CG, Jeremy, Linyu and Ryan are close to Bevan and DengJun, so that's one group there. Another example can be Yew Siong and Zi Hao, they are close friends with Jordan and Marcus, so there we have another group. Each of these groups always had their own private outings and hangouts and to be honest, I was jealous. I no longer had friends like that, At that point, I have also lost Rafe, Enqi and Nicholas too,..

I shared with Yew Siong, Zi Hao and Amelia (and later on Vincent, only after the 叛-nins group was established) about all those issues of mine, They were literally the only few people I could open up to in church during that time.

As I shared with Amelia, with all due respect, I really wasn't expecting her to give me an answer to my issues, especially those related to my relationship with the church people. However, I did feel reassured from her words after speaking to her about my worries for Andrew and despite the fact that she wasn't very close to Andrew at that time, she made it a point to pray for him and even assisted me along with Michelle in doing up a card and together, we also baked brownies to encourage Andrew. I was really grateful for that. Despite how anti-social she is in church, I could see that she does have a heart in loving people, regardless of how much she claims that she is not the friendliest and kindest person around.

Amelia & I

As for Yew Siong, I guessed that he did understand me more or less but I felt that he probably didn't have an answer for me too. He provided me with standard "textbook answers" and a chunk of words (yeah, that's how I am describing them) that really does not administer to any of my problems that time. I was a little upset after speaking to him that time, probably due to his response which I shall not go into details. Let's just say that the "answer" he gave me was totally some model answer quoted from phrases and encouragements commonly used in the church and I felt that he was not giving me advice from his own personal thoughts. I felt like I was  listening to the "rules and words of the church" rather than his own thoughts and words as my friend. However, I do appreciate the fact that he sat through with me the whole time, listening to all my troubles and assuring me that he'd always be there for me no matter what happens

Oh yes, I have also talked to Yew Siong regarding the issue involving my conflict with my Cafe ministry and I've gotta say, he was honestly a big help. He really wasted no time in approaching me as soon as he heard about my issue and settled it for me almost right away. For that particular incident, he really did spared a lot of thoughts for me, putting himself in my shoes and counselling me from there. Overall, I'm really grateful for him in my life, he is really like an older brother that is always around to make fun of me, to crack me up with his cold jokes, to guide me in my walk with God and in life as well as being there to offer me a helping hand when I stumble.. Despite the fact that I really wished that he could be his real self more often when interacting with me, I don't want him to have that "church/cell group leader facade".

Yew Siong & I

Moving on, I have also spoke to Zi Hao regarding my failing horizontal relationship and also about the groups segregation issue. He shared with me that he was also aware of the two problems that I had brought up and was looking to talk to me and the rest of the CG about it. I was surprised, considering how dense Zi Hao seems to be all the time. With all due respect, I never really expected him to be aware of all these. Despite the fact that he fully understood the concerns that I have mentioned, just like Yew Siong, he couldn't give me answer that I was looking for. However, I was not upset or anything as I really didn't expect him to provide me with one, I simply needed someone to vent to.

Honestly, even until today, I am still not very close with Zi Hao as compared to Yew Siong. It's a fact that he is my leader and I have opened up to a certain extent towards him. However, there's just this part of Zi Hao that I just can't breakthrough, He has this wall that he puts up which keeps me from getting to know him on a deeper level. I cannot really accept the fact that I have opened up myself this but yet he does not open up as much to me. I am sensing this pride that he possesses, probably due to the reason that he is a CGL, he can't afford to show the vulnerable side of him because he is the main supporting pillar of the CG, it won't be wise to show signs of weakness. That is something that I really disagree with. I strongly believe that all forms of relationship, especially deep ones, takes two hands to clap.


A deep mutual bond can only be built when both parties are willing to reveal their vulnerability. Friends are people whom I can trust enough to look out for each other's back, we compensate for each other's weakness with our strengths. That's my own personal perspective and principle of friendships. Zi Hao is too afraid to show his weakness and he is way too serious in many occasions, I feel that he needs to let loose a little. I am fully aware of his family financial issues and that he is juggling a lot in life. His plate is entirely filled with studies, work, church and his personal life and I am well aware that he is having a hard time balancing them well. It hurts me to see him like this because he is honestly a good friend that I can count on and I wished he could count on me at times too. However, he is too closed up for me to step in anywhere into his life. Similarly, Yew Siong is like that too. Despite all that he has done for me, I felt that whatever I have done for him is so surface-level and so physical (surprising him, encouraging him when he is in a busy season in life, getting gifts for him etc.) Perhaps it's because I am a nobody? Because I ain't no leader in church?

Zi Hao and I

Prelude to the "Drift"

Hi people!

It's really been quite a while since I've updated this blog. I guess I'd say that I have been really lazy lately! HAHA! Over the past few months, I really do have quite a bit of stuff that I wanted to write about. However, laziness never fails to overwhelm me. Instead, I have shared those stuff selectively with different people in my life. Some of those people are Pei Sian, Amelia, Vincent, Andrew, Dehuai, Michelle (just the gist), Yew Siong, Zi Hao, Jordan (recently), Eileen and Jocelyn. I didn't exactly shared all that was going on in my head to every single one of them. I shared different stuff to each one of them,

In order to actually share with you guys what has been going on over these past few months in my life, I have to first talk about where and what all those "current ongoing events" were rooted from.

As I have mentioned in my previous post, I have been feeling to disconnected to church, or rather, to be exact, the people in church. It all started when many of my cell group mates from original E21/DL52 started leaving one after another. It all started with Albert, followed by Joven, Keong, Doug, then Janson and even now, my two closest friend, Andrew and Dehuai. With the original E21 left with what seems to be a shell of its former self, adding on the fact that the zone has this ridiculous idea that people from similar educational institute and/or level should be grouped together, thus a new E21 was formed. It was then, Vincent, Jeremy, LinYu, Ryan, Wiseley, ChaiChen, Samuel and Zi Hao joined us. Zi Hao even became one of our cell group leaders, leading us alongside Yew Siong.

I was utterly overwhelmed by the drastic changes as all of these took place during the final month of my internship at Harbin, Out of the blue, during an afternoon in my lab, I noticed that I was added into a new chat group on Telegram. As I opened up the application and saw the name of the chat group, I did not know how to react or the kind of reaction to give. As I scrolled down through the list of names of the members in this new CG that I have just been added into, I realised that I was neither happy nor sad. In fact, I was simply experiencing a feeling of void.

27 September 2014, my 3-month long internship came to a close and I made my way back to my home sweet home, Singapore. As I picked up my luggage and strolled out of the "Arrival Hall", I was warmly welcomed by my family. Right behind them was none other than my new cell group, the newly formed E21. At that point of time, I only felt a sense of relief. It has been 3 whole months since I last saw my family and my friends. I totally disregarded the fact that the people who came to pick me up from the airport were mostly acquaintances that I hardly know of at that point of time (Jeremy, ZiHao, Linyu, Ryan, Wiseley, Chai Chen, Samuel and Vincent). However, I was still really touched by the fact that they all came down just to see me despite the fact that I have tried to convince them not to as they'll only be seeing me for a short 5-10 minutes since my family was there to pick me up. Not to mention that the next day was Saturday, and I'll see them at service then. All in all, I was really glad to see them, especially Yew Siong, Dehuai and Andrew. (Sorry Vincent, didn't include you in this list because we were still not that close back then haha!)

As I stepped into church for my first service in 3 months, many of the zone people came up to greet me and welcomed me back home. Shortly after, I settled down to my assigned seat. It was then, I felt a weird sensation that something wasn't right. At that moment, I realised that the people sitting around me were not people like Janson, Doug, Joven, Keong or Albert. If I recall, I was sitting in between Zi Hao and Ryan. It stroke me that things had changed so much, that everything is different from before I set out for Harbin, I felt a sense of alienation and unfamiliarity, perhaps because Zi Hao and the others were from the same CG initially and the only person I was familiar with in this new E21 back then was Yew Siong. (Dehuai and Andrew weren't around that day and I have never been close with Zhi Hao for some reason as well). I guessed this was where everything sparked off.

Well, I believe that summarises (Okay, I'll admit that whatever I have written is WAY TOO LONG to be called a summary HAHAHA!) how everything started.

Disconnected

It just suddenly hit me today, that I am really getting disconnected from many people in life. Yew Siong had a heart to heart with me earlier today about Dehuai, feeling worried and burdened that he hasn't been coming to church or hanging with us at all. I knew in my heart that this was coming sooner or later, and that I'm pretty sure that I wasn't the only one to have noticed. Yes, indeed, my best friend who brought me to church, the guy who was so passionate with the acoustic guitar, the guy who dreamed to one day be on the worship team, was slowly distancing away from the church, from the CG, from me. Despite the fact that the previous week when we met up, we could still talk and share about our stuff like we always do, I could already feel a little gap between us and that his faith in God which he explained was still pretty strong. However, he has been drifting from church for quite a while now... Although I do have some issues regarding the management of this church and the people. I'm still quite saddened at the fact that he is attending service less and less these days, I'm worried that one day he might just decided to stop coming altogether.

I know that Pastor How has preached in one of his sermons that we should all have our own altar and that we can not standing on someone else's altar, Regardless of whether your friend's altar should collapse or not, we should not be shaken and continue to stand strong. Those word rang loud and clear in my mind, but yet... I'm still getting shaken. I gotta admit.. I was pretty shaken up when Albert, a really close leader of mine who led me since I started my journey as a Christian, Douglas, my close friend who used to talk bullshit with me about everything and rushed with me to do up birthday cards last minute during our time as the birthday coordinators, Joven and WeiKeong, the hilarious and humorous duo who never fail to keep me laughing all the time and an inspirational CG guitarist and drummer respectively rising up. There was really this time that I was really so on fire in church and working hard together with all those people really made me really happy. I felt as though those friends I had would be with me for the rest of my life. Even Andrew, my close secondary school friend whom Dehuai and I worked hard to let him know Christ, is also drifting away from church due to certain circumstances which I will not be talking about here. Furthermore, I was also pretty disconnected myself from the people in my zone and even my CG, with all my close friends gone and all.. Therefore, at this point of time, I really felt the need to talk to someone. Yew Siong is practically the only person left at this point of time in church that I am actually comfortable to talk to (Well, I am pretty sure Amelia and Vincent are aware of these issues of mine since they are also one of the few people left in church that I can pour out my stuff to).  So I'll just let my text to Yew Siong do the explanation part:



Siong! I think that in regards to what you've talked to me just now, I really needed to talk about this.. I'll just say that I won't deny that I am sort of shaken since the time Albert, Doug, Joven, Keong they all left.. and now even more so that  the person who brought me to church and even Andrew, are drifting away. Despite how I still have my faith in God and my own altar still standing, I do feel pained and disheartened.. It's like everyone that I'm close to are leaving one by one gradually. It's like I know what's right for me, and I still have my faith in God, but I can't help but be discouraged and saddened.

Furthermore, it is the fact that just because they don't come to church anymore, then they totally cut off all ties with us, makes me feel like church was the only thing keeping us together as friends. You also mentioned about Yunwai and Alvin they all, similarly I also felt that now that we are in different CGs, we are no longer that close. Genuinely speaking, my conversations with them these days consist of saying hi and bye and maybe surface questions like, "How is school?"...

Nowadays, I know that there are many more new people in the zone and all. Hanging out with them, I really do feel that they are all really awesome and fun people! But for some reasons, I really couldn't build deeper relationships with them even though I'm trying. I just feel distant from everyone, even the CG. I try to forget everything and just have fun all the time when hanging out,  but ultimately, at the end of the day it always left me pondering that I'm really not connected with anyone from the zone.. I'm alright when it comes to just having fun and hanging out, but I'm just not connected to anyone on a deeper level. Maybe that's what made me wanna avoid zone outings and gatherings at times.

These days I just feel like I'm no longer the loving person who tries to go out to love people and get to know new friends like I was last time, at least not as much.. I'm just feeling a little bit 矛盾 (mao dun). Like my horizontal relationship is not going so well and I really don't know what to do.

So yeah, generally I'm still feeling shaken up by what is happening now and kinda at a lost.. 

Once again, another Simple Plan song that really spoke into my situation now (yes, that is why I love them so much!): 

Time To Say Goodbye

"Time To Say Goodbye"Firstly, I apologize for not continuing part 2 of "The Beginning of A New Journey", I really needed to talk about this today. I promise that I will finish up on that soon!



In any case, I named this post after one of my favourite songs from Simple Plan (who by the way, is also my favourite band), Time To Say Goodbye. Since the good'ol days of secondary school, this song was always there, encouraging and supporting me when more than half of my clique, whom I thought are gonna be my lifelong friends, just upped and left me. God knows where they are now, everyone is scattered all over the world. However, no matter, I sincerely do wish that they are doing well wherever they are despite the fact that I could never forget how they left Dehuai, Andrew and I without a word. To be honest, I'm not one to let go of any form of relationship easily, in fact, I always have a hard time regardless of how hard my friends advised me to do so for certain relationships. I'm terrible at goodbyes.... For this post, I will be talking about one of those"certain relationships", dedicating it to one of my closest friend since secondary school that I have finally decided to bid farewell to.. and no, I am not doing so because I hate her and all... As a matter of fact, I really appreciate our 7 long years of friendship and those wonderful memories will always be etched deep in my heart. That's why I thank God that he created,"Photographs". People come in and out of our lives all the time, though we have absolutely no idea when exactly someone is gonna enter or exit. Despite the fact that I have decided to leave her, I will be taking all those great memories with me as I move on. Without a doubt, I will definitely miss this friendship of ours, along with Nicholas and Enqi. However, whenever I start to feel that way, I will simply browse through our photos and look back on those days and tell myself," This is real, this really happened, we were happy, we were close and as long as I know that, this friendship will continue living in my heart, it will never end. At least not on the watch of my heart, it wouldn't." As we speak, I have already been doing that.



Getting straight to the main point, I shall utilize the lyrics of this song to illustrate and explain why I made that decision of mine.

"I just don't want to waste another day, I'm trying to make things right, But you shove it in my face"
Exactly as the lyrics states, I really don't wanna waste any more of my time, I have been trying really hard to be there for you, to be your cushion when you fall, to lend you my ears when you need them, to offer you my thoughts and opinions when you are lost. I know that sometimes I don't have the best and absolute answers for each of your problems, but I really do try to make things right for you and I do that because I want to, because I know you'll do the same for me, for Enqi and for Nicholas. You listened really attentively to what I have to say all the time, you always nod as I pointed you towards a direction that I think you should travel whenever you lose your way. You thanked me and told me how much you appreciated my advices. As your friend, that's one of the most satisfying thing I wanna hear from you. As time goes by, one advice became ten, ten advices became a hundred, but even so, you are still frequently losing your way. Ultimately, I realised that you had never followed the map that I had provided you with. Instead, you either went back to where you came from or you decide to take another path and then once again, when you got lost, you would call me up to rescue you. Then I realized, this was a never ending cycle.

"And all those things you've done to me I can't erase, And I can't keep this inside, It's time to say goodbye"
I have forgiven them, my secondary school clique, whatever they had done. Similarly, I could forgive you as well, or rather I never held a grudge. However, I can never forget, I can never erase it from my memories no matter how hard I try. I can't keep all these frustrations sealed in any longer.  I will never forget how you left me to fend for myself when you had all your different boyfriends, how you only came looking for me when you got hurt by them, how you said that you really saw me as a best friend of yours but letting me conclude that those were empty words.

"On the first day that I met you, I should have known to walk away, I should have told you you were crazy, And disappear without a trace, But instead I stood there waiting, Hoping you would come around, But you always found a way to let me down"
On the very first day of school, I could tell, that this girl was definitely gonna be the princess in class. Always whining, always complaining, always trying to upstage somebody, never ever admitted that she was in the wrong, quarreled with the teacher fearlessly, always wanted to be in the limelight etc. I can't even remember how we actually became friends. It's funny how I had almost no good impressions of you, but yet... how strange. Despite your spoilt and princess-ey personality, I told myself to not give up on you. I observed you, slowly I realized that you were fun to be around, you stood up to anyone who bullied your friend, you didn't just simply say that you are gonna be awesome, you worked harder than anyone to prove yourself and that's when I knew, the girl is definitely a friend material and friends are supposed to accept every aspect of each other, their strength and weaknesses are all in one single package. Thus, despite what people told me, I decided to give you a chance and see how far our friendship could go. Throughout these 7 years, we've reached high up into the skies, touching the rainbows as the shining rays of the Sun shined brightly on our friendship. However, we've also touched rock bottom in many occasions, but every one of those times, I chose to have faith and carry on with the thought that pain will strengthen our friendship in the long run. What's a friendship without fights? in fact, friendships that make it out of such ordeals usually come out stronger than before, so I believed in that.

"After all the things I've done for you, You never tried to do the same"
Not being petty and I really didn't wanna bring this up but I was really disappointed in how you could forget my birthday and probably waited till Facebook reminded you before you came to wish me. I always put in so much effort for you on your birthdays but you hardly ever did anything for most of my birthdays, Yes, that sounded really petty and disgusting because true friends would have never have wanted anything in return for making an effort for the other party. However, I am not mentioning this because you didn't really do anything for my birthdays but I brought this up to show how much effort I was putting for this friendship, for you. However, you hardly tried to do the same. Yes, at times I was jealous, jealous of how you could put in so much effort for your other friends and your ex-boyfriends, all those grand birthday celebrations, how you could go the extent of contacting all their friends and coordinating with them to plan their birthday celebration, how you could ask me out to shop and pick out their presents with you. Truth to be told, I hardly even have a present from you to keep as a memento. Yes, I appreciated that birthday card you made me in secondary three, I saw the video of how did up the card, step by step, piece by piece. That's one gift I really treasured to remind me of you. However, that was 5 years ago, are you saying I only truly mattered to you and truly worth your efforts 5 years ago?

"It's like you always play the victim, And I'm the one you always blame"
Whenever we fight, you ALWAYS don't hesitate to say this one particular line,"Fine, it's my fault okay? All these is my fault! If that's the case then we should not be friends anymore." and then you will also say one of the most hurtful thing that a friend could say,"I don't need you in my life, I have plenty of people around me who cares about me!" Hello? STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM! Nobody is the victim... when two persons fight, both parties are guilty alright?

"When you need someone to save you, When you think you're going to drown, You just grab your arms around me and pull me down"
As mentioned, you only came looking for me when you needed help, when you were in need of a listening ear, when you needed a cushion to land on. You cried to me, you complained to me, you vented your anger on me. Not to make myself sound noble or anything, but each time, I really do try to understand you and offer you the answer you needed, to accompany you until you're feelng better. However, as you know, I am not a super positive person to begin with despite how I always talk to many people and always trying to see things on the bright side, keyword is "TRYING". When you imposed all your negative thoughts onto me, I felt suffocated. At times, I was really at a low point in my life and I seriously couldn't muster any strength to help you. Sometimes, just seeing you running to me in tears makes me ponder whether have I really been a good friend to you? If I had, why would you constantly be feeling so insecure? Constantly getting hurt?

"Somewhere in the distance, There's a place for me to go, I don't want you to hate me, But I think you need to know, You're weighing on my shoulders, And I'm sick of feeling down, So I guess it's time for me to say goodbye" 
So..... yup I am moving on. I am moving on to some place that really needs me and see me for who I am, not some emergency first-aid kit. Alright, as much as I don't want you to hate me but it's okay if you do.. for silently drifting away from you and giving up on this 7-year long friendship. However, I really need to come clean.... that you were an emotional baggage to me, it was a burden on my shoulders and I am really tired and exhausted from your troubles. From what I see, I am definitely not someone that can help you, if I could, I would have solved your problems long ago and not have you come to me in tears in so many occasions. I'm sorry if I could not live up to your expectations. I wish you all the best in SUTD and your dream of being a rocket scientist and also, IRONWOMAN! HAHA! I hope that in the future when we see each other on streets, we will still greet each other with genuine smiles :D! Let us put the "good" in "goodbye" and the "well" in "farewell", it has been a long and awesome journey with you, Enqi and Nicholas (I shall share about Enqi and Nicholas another time in another post, and yes they were awesome friends to me too!), I will remember all those times for the 4 of us!

The Beginning of a New Journey Part 1

Okay, I'm lazy to have a normal introduction post about myself, and besides this blog is mainly for me to vent, whether is it in anger, joy or sorrow, that's the purpose of this blog. Thus, I do not see a point to introduce myself. Also, if I were to allow you to read this blog, it means that it shouldn't be necessary for me to introduce myself don't you think? LOL! HAHA.

ALRIGHT! I guess here's my first post, and I guess I shall dedicate it to someone who's been constantly supporting and watching over me, and He is none other than The Lord. Please don't think of me as some hardcore and super religious guy. Despite my love for God, I am not the same as those people who think that they are so pure and holy compared to the non-believers, I am just a regular, God-loving Christian who goes to church weekly and I respect whatever religion you believe in.

Moving on from the disclaimer, I have been in church for approximately 2 years and 9 months, and I have got to say, getting to know God was really a life-changing experience for me and I thank God that I have Him in my life. I'm pretty sure that it was God who had anonymously guided me to church despite me not knowing him prior to becoming a Christian. I shall go into more details on that later on in this post or maybe part 2? LOL. I've never had the best impression of Christians, especially not since during a few occasions in the past, Christians came knocking on my door and openly tried to convert my family and I. They even insulted my family who were Buddhist, criticizing that they were foolish, praying to wooden blocks and statues. Despite the fact that I had never really believed in Buddhism, I was really pissed at what they said. I don't really care what religion you belong to, but you have no rights to insult other people's beliefs. Thus, they gave an extremely terrible first impression of Christians and churches in my heart.

July 1st, 2012, I stepped into church for the very first time, for my primary (as well as secondary school) friend, Dehuai, had invited me to his church as he told me that there was gonna be a live performance by the Youtube stars, Jayesslee that was going to be hosted by his church! Not really a big fan of theirs, but I do enjoy several song covers performed by them and I really feel that they are gorgeous. Although I hesitated initially, Dehuai, who is a really close friend to me even now, had changed so much after attending this church for a few months. He really turned into a better person compared to his rowdy and delinquent self back in secondary school who talked back at the teachers all the time (Well, those were really good and hilarious times that will make me laugh when I look back on it xD). With my mind filled with curiosity, I really wanted to find out what was it about this church that made my friend changed so drastically in such a short period of time, so after a mini war took place in my mind in order to make a decision, ultimately, I agreed to go.

Arriving at the fountain that I had came across countless number of times in my life, I never knew that a church actually existed just beyond the white gate that stood right beside that particular fountain. As I walked through the gate with Dehuai and two good friends of mine from secondary school, Eileen and Jocelyn, we were greeted by an usher and we awkwardly thanked her. As we walked a little further, we were astonished by the sight of the crowd, even Dehuai. People were queuing (some were even sitting) under the scorching sun, waiting to board the bubble lift up to the auditorium of the church. Honestly, I was like,"WTF.. Isn't this supposed to be a church service? Why are people queuing like as if it is a concert by Super Junior? Ugh can I just go home? Just looking at the crowd can make my claustrophobia act up." Little did I know that if I had followed through with that thought and went home, my life may have been different from what it is today. In the end, for Jayesslee, I decided to persevere. Additionally, I did not want to disappoint Dehuai who had invited me for the third time to come and visit his church.

As we queued under that blazing sun who thinks that she is so freaking hot, I just surrendered to her, she IS indeed hot, but even so, she continued to shower her fiery heat on us (ugh bitch..). People often say, 心静自然凉，so I calmed down and eventually got lost into a conversation with my three friends.. until a voice called out from afar,"Dehuai!!!" We turned our attention to the direction where the voice came from. With that crowd, it was nearly impossible to figure out who it was. Then, I saw a figure running over towards us and a voice I will never ever forget even if I were to get Alzheimer's disease in the future, was etched into my memories as the guy said hi to us. This guy is none other than my current cell group leader (CGL), Yew Siong. As we started a conversation, from his vibe, I knew that he was very sociable and that he is probably the siao-on kind of person. My friends and I were a little overwhelmed by his friendliness. My two friends and I gazed at one another a few times through out the conversation, telepathically saying,"Omg wow, is this how Christians are like? Are Christians usually that friendly?" Nevertheless, I enjoyed my conversation with him because I could see that he was really sincere and really wanted to get to know us as from what I've heard, Christians are usually fake and two-faced, they only wanna preach about Jesus to you and forcefully convert you. Despite how I was not really THAT sociable at that point of time compared to now, I tried my very best to hold a conversation him.

Out of the blue, another voice came calling with much enthusiasm (emphasis on the much),"Dehuai! Yew Siong! I've been looking all over for you guys!!" I turned my attention to the guy who spoke like a celebrity from KidsCentral/Okto, and friends, that's the story of how I met Marcus, who led me in my cell group back in DL zone. We spoke a little and then it was our turn to board the bubble lift,"Thank God!" I told Eileen and Jocelyn, though at that point of time, I had no idea what God I was actually being grateful to LOL!

As we stepped into the auditorium, Eileen shockingly exclaimed,"WAH SIA LA! Is 1D gonna be performing here!?" Yup, she is a big 1D fan, or what they call, a Directioner.. haha! Jocelyn and I were equally overwhelmed as we came with an expectation of seeing wooden chairs, tinted glasses and a large cross somewhere at the stage of the auditorium, somewhere along that line. To our surprise, the place was like a concert hall rather than a church. There were drums set, electric guitars and keyboards on the stage. Yew Siong was like,"Told y'all that you guys will be surprised!" True enough, we were. He then continued,"Ehh tell you guys what, if any of you can find a cross in this auditorium, I'll treat that person Gong Cha." I happily accepted,"Okay you say one uh! Challenge accepted!" I desperately looked around the auditorium and there was nothing that even came close to resembling a cross. At the same time, Eileen and Jocelyn were browsing and scanning the auditorium too, but similarly, to no avail. Yew Siong and Dehuai giggled at the side, making fun of how desperate I was just for the Gong Cha LOL!

Then service started, and not surprisingly (not anymore at least...), it was really like a concert. As Jayesslee performed, everyone clapped and sang along. (OMG! Their Payphone and Officially Missing You were awesome!) and then there was a short word by Pastor How, the senior pastor of the church. As Eileen began using her cell phone, Jocelyn and I were still paying attention to the sermon preached by him and I was surprised that I was actually interested in it. Service then ended with a praise song and once again, I'm surprised that my two friends and I were clapping along to the song. Eventually, I actually ended up singing along to the song. Even I had no idea why I did that.. I didn't even believe in Christianity then.. weird.... But well, I always knew Christian songs were nice, but I never thought there were actually,... ROCK genre Christian songs LOL!

After service, we made our way to City Plaza to eat the Ban Mian at the food court on the 5th floor. Oh on a side note, the Ban Mian there is very nice, you guys can go and try! Personally, I have eaten at every food stall at the food court as well as the different eateries at City Plaza since my dad works there, so I have been going there since young. If you need recommendations, you can let me know haha! Our table was filled with loud, attention-seeking laughter as we chowed down the delicious Ban Mian. At the end of the meal, Yew Siong asked if I was free to hang out again next weekend as Eileen, Jocelyn and I, we took part in this lucky draw for new friends in the church, and the results were getting announced next week during service. Pondering about it for what seems like seconds in real life to other but minutes to me, I agreed. I did so most probably because I really did not have many friends around me to hang out with. More than half of my secondary school clique had left me to study abroad and all (I might find them to go deeper into this issue), Poly had just started so I wasn't close with my classmates yet. Therefore, I decided to try and get to know the church people better as they were really nice and were genuine in getting to know me. Jocelyn and Eileen explained that they may have something on, and may not be able to make it. I was a little afraid as they said so as I thought that it might be awkward if they didn't come along with me. However, I've already agreed.. so whatever, I decided to just go. That marks the end of my first day visiting the church.